FIST ME 'TIL YOUR HAND COMES OUT MY MOUTH is the final album by English emo-folk band crywank, released may 1st, 2020. But is it good?
Crywank started as just guitarist and singer-songwriter James Clayton's solo venture, releasing JAMES IS GOING TO DIE SOON in 2010, then was joined by drummer Dan Watson to release their most successful album TOMORROW IS NEARLY YESTERDAY AND EVERYTHING IS STUPID in 2013, starting from just being a bedroom recording artist to moving into the studio and eventually touring in 3 different continents. So to say the band exceeded expectations of a young Clayton, well, that would be an understatement.
I first found the band in 2015 or 2016 from a youtube reupload of the aforementioned TOMORROW IS NEARLY and started digging into the band's catalogue. As with all bands, my interest wavered over time, but I've always had crywank MP3s on my phone. So when I saw the announcement they were splitting up, and releasing a final album, I knew it was one to look forward too.
When I heard it was 27 tracks, however, and 56 minutes (the band's longest release) I knew I was in for a treat. But also that means going through the tracks one by one would be... well, inefficient. So I'll go through and talk about the tracks I want to.
The first 8 tracks are eight parts of "I love you but I've chosen me" which sets the tone and theme for the record pretty well. The lyrics, in true crywank fashion, are exposingly honest, and doesn't take long to go into the breakdown of Dan and James's relationship. Part 2 introduces a synth lead an lathers Clayton's vocals with reverb effects. It becomes more distorted and distant from what crywank was initially, which could be a commentary on the state of the band as a whole. Part 3 sees Dan take vocal duty for the first time, as Clayton's guitar feels like it's in suspended animation, opening with "Now i get the chance to speak, albeit forced, albeit brief". The instrumental goes crazy as (I think) Dan wails. Part 4 sees Dan and James's vocal back to back, part 5 references TOMORROW in name and lyrics, and James says "I chase the identity crisis, I chase the ego trip,I chase the path of the righteous, I chase my own tail" and then goes onto further contemplate identity. Part 7 rings with the hook "I don’t know what you’re gonna do without this if I’m honest, this palace of virtue is just a hole full of malice" and climaxes at "And from the highest precipice you still smell like Piss". Part 8 sees everything tumbling and crashing down to this unnerving ambient dronescape, with haunted echoes ringing out over clattering drums. Not something I expected at all, but it absolutely works for the track.
THE BEST starts with electric drums after manipulated vocals, with the band members' vocals oscillating at different levels before. FLOWER IN HAND has these headache inducing guitar and drum accents backing Dan wailing about a flower, before takes over and amongst other things says "And here you berate me like a boomer!" which I thought was funny.
The album also has numerous ambient interludes, some which feel justified and others which don't, but again, not something I expected from a crywank album. The album really feels like the band fully know they wont be touring for long and like they've given themselves license to do just about anything. I mean, there's a 30 second song called POO, and the disgusting 53 second YUPPIE GLOUP, and James is nearly rapping on EGO IS A PHEONIX. The album's bandcamp description says it's "made more for us than for an audience" and that's pretty clear in some of the more indulgent ambient passages, which feel like they may have hit the chopping block if on a previous crywank record, and I can see it testing some listeners' patience.
Especially JUST A WORM, which gets repetitive pretty quickly, despite a pretty interesting and noisey backing track. A FART AT NIGHT RESETS THE BALANCE sounds almost like a 100 gecs instrumental, and then EGG AND SPOON pretty much does, as these weird synths dance around, and "THREE LEGGED RACE, WITH SOMEONE YOU HATE" is repeated before idm like rhythms jump in. Again, not something I saw being on a crywank record at all.
Penultimate track CRINGEY WINCER brings the record back to earth, reflecting on old records, with penultimate line "And soon I’m asking what of what I’ve made really needed to exist?" summing up the track pretty well before descending back to uncomfortable electronic effects with dan continuing to drum away in the background.
Final track DEEP DOWN I'M REALLY MARK SMITH sees just james and his guitar, and despite clocking in at 5 whole minutes not a second feels wasted, as James reflects on nearly every aspect of his career and many aspects of his relationships. The track's guitar flips between ecstatic and lightly strummed, with some of the lyrics harkening back to the earliest themes of James's lyrics of self doubt and insecurity, before what feels like a sprint to the finish line. The album, and the band, finishes unfinished, with James spending the very last verse questioning himself and then finally the audience, and then it just ends. That's just the end, and it really does leave an emotional hole once it finishes, a pretty big sense of loss.
This is an album I'll probably be thinking about for a good while to come, and listening to as well, and although it may not be the best place to start in the crywank discog, it's certainly the right place to finish. I don't know many bands that have finished themselves off better than this.
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