Well, it's week 40 somehow, which means I get to go on about an album I already like alot. And I think it's time I did this one in particular.
DORKCORE: THE COMPACT DISC is the 4th album by indie rock outfit KEVIN AND THE BIKES, released 2019. This album is 25 tracks and 77 minutes long, and every song is about kevin fro, Ed Edd and Eddy. Wait, what?
So Kevin and the Bikes initially "blew up" with the release of their 101 track, 4 hour album DORKCORE 101 in 2019, which i remember making the rounds on twitter- not in a major way either mind you. People were weirdly fascinated with it, with some calling it "album of the year" from the get go just because of it's absurd premise. I've only listened to the whole thing a couple of times just because of the absurd length, but it's almost something you have to plan your whole day around to experience properly. And not to mention, some of the songs are genuinely difficult to listen to.
Which is where THE COMPACT DISC comes in- the tracklist is edited down to the "best" 25 with a much more palatable runtime too. And as you may imagine, the album was released on CD- a run of 101, 1 of which i have:
Which as you may imagine, only makes me like the album more. It came with an actual real life jawbreaker (another theme of the album, and the show) and a cool 6 page booklet, that YOU will never see unless YOU manage to find one- all 101 sold out fast. But what does it sound like?
This album covers alot of ground. From the lo-fi acoustic opener GOOD FAMILY VALUES to the twinkly instrumentals of STUCK IN PURGATORY, to the brutal wall of noise in THE 102TH SONG and the surf-y slacker rock of I FUCKING HATE MY FRIENDS. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND MY LOVE FOR THE EDS, you'd be hard pressed to find an album that touches on more points of rock music's history than this.
The album has some absolute head-banging tunes on it too. The improved version here of KEVIN DOMINATION with it's loud, unflinching guitars and awesome solo at the end show the band really flexing their muscles as composers even if the vocals are half drowned out. I DREAM OF KEVIN has this insane volatile energy with it's cracking snares and skittish lead guitar part, and distorted vocals and weird noises it just has no business being as good as it is. It just collapses under it's own weight by the end.
I think another thing that carries the album is it's sense of humour: as you may imagine, an album about a cartoon character doesn't exactly take itself seriously. You can even hear the band members laughing, and more often than not trying not to laugh in the songs. Other select track titles include "why is there a shit ton of double D rule 34", "I got ran over by Rolf's tractor (But i'm ok)" and my favourite "The Eds Haven’t Been Trying to Buy Actual Jawbreakers This Whole Time, They’ve Been Trying to Buy Records From the 1990s Emo Band “Jawbreaker” But They’re Too Dumb to Realize That A CD Doesn’t Cost 25 FUCKING CENTS" most with equally absurd lyrics to match. The original 101 track album had a series of "Kevin Podcasts" dotted throughout the album which were just the band members talking shit for a few minutes at a time to break up the album, if you had any remaining confusion of the tone of the album.
It's probably important to say now that the album is legitimately difficult to listen to if you accustomed to Lo-fi and noisey music- N-E-E-D-L-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-S-S-L-E-S is utterly arrhythmic, and the aforementioned 102TH TRACK is a straight up experimental noise track a-la Merzbow. But that being said, some of the tracks are also really accessible- I FUCKING HATE MY FRIENDS, BIKINI BABES MAGAZINE and ME AND NOT JOHNNY to name a few, but these are still songs about Kevin from Ed Edd and Eddy, which is something to bear in mind playing this album around your parents, or friends, or anyone, really.
So by this point I haven't really explained why this album is one of my favourites- I mean, the other records I've done for the 10th review specials are records like Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, so what gives? Well, I think I'd point to the last 20 or so minutes, or track 22-25 as the reason. As i mentioned before, 22nd track STUCK IN PURGATORY is this twinkly instrumental track with these guitars that are really noisey but beautiful, not even any drums, just a couple guitar lines, which kind of heralds the end of the record.
Track 23 is a nearly 8 minute acoustic guitar song called "Dedorkinization", that never becomes boring despite literally just being guitar and vocals. The song is menacing and unnerving, as frontman Todd Jordan (I think) spins this yarn about leading dorks back to his house and capturing them and tying them up in his basement. Track 24 is THE 102th SONG, which is this hellscape of distortion and acrid sound, almost as if it's the antithesis of music, like the album reaching it's natural conclusion. It's 7:30 runtime just displays an absolute disregard for the listener and their time. It refuses to establish a rhythm or a melody and is instead focused on being as horrific as possible. This likely sounds like a bad thing for a song to be, but once you've listened to the album a few times, by that point in the album you're weirdly accustomed to being yelled at, screamed at, and having distortion and noise shot into your ears, so you (or at least I) just get to the point where sit thru it. And it's most redeeming feature is leading into the last track.
Track 25 is called KEVIN MOVES OUT OF PEACH CREEK and it's 10 minutes long. It starts with this despondent bass part, before the band members start singing, which is processed in this way that makes it sound like it's on some old dirty tape- the vocals sound frail and worn. The lyrics are depressing- the deaths of the shows characters are laid out plainly, with "IT'S TIME TO MOVE OUT- I WANT OUT" thrown in too. The ever evolving instrumentation has led some people to compare this track to prog rock, which I think is fair. The track really cements itself and the album around the 6 minute mark when this synthesiser part is introduces that's oddly cathartic against these lyrics about failing school and going to work in fast food. Some of the last words stick with me every time after listening to the record- "this is my eulogy- to this shithole town"- just the enunciation has such a weight to it, it's hard to describe.
I think the thing that means the most to me in this record is what it taught me about music (it's about to get self indulgent and wanky btw, so clock out now if you like). When I first heard this album, or 101, I was just starting to play guitar. I wanted to write songs, but having no expertise or experience it seemed like an impossible feet. But listening to this album freed me- watching interviews with my favourite musicians taught me that you don't have to be some kind of otherwordly superstar to make music, but this album taught me you don't even have to be good at making music, to make music. I'm pretty sure I had some of these songs playing when myself and reuben sat down to record the first staggy the band pilgrim songs, so without this stupid album about Kevin from Ed Edd and Eddy I may well have never started writing songs. How about that?
So yeh, I don't have alot more to say. This album, whilst not technically or musically the best by any stretch, holds a special place in my hearth for more than a few reasons. The CD is one of my most prized personal possesions (sad, I know) and the album is still one of my favourites to listen to.
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